5 Ways to Help Women After A Miscarriage

There is no comparison to the pain of a woman after she suffers a miscarriage, especially if the baby was longed for by the family. Physically, her body will get fatigued from the ordeal and will still adjust to the loss. Emotionally, she may be reeling over what happened. While her body can recuperate in days or weeks, her emotional well-being may take time to heal.

 According to the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC), around 15 to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. At this rate, some provinces are already considering grief due to miscarriage a mental health matter. In Manitoba, a province-wide grief counseling program was initiated by health officials to cater to women enduring perinatal mental health issues. Ontario also spearheaded pregnancy-and-infant loss programs as early as five years ago by implementing educational seminars for health care providers and support for families, which included a federal bereavement leave for mothers and fathers who cannot apply for maternity leave because of terminated pregnancies.

If someone you know went through a miscarriage, it is only natural that you would want to help in any way possible. Fortunately, there are things you can do that can let you show support during one of the most trying times in a woman’s life.

1. Understand the grief process.

If you want to help a friend or loved one, you have to understand that the person who just lost someone will still undergo a grieving process. Like any other loss, miscarriage can impact the emotional well-being of a person who may go through the following stages. Knowing which stage she is right now will help you deal with her properly:

• Shock and denial. She may not accept the loss of her baby at first and may experience a feeling of numbness and general disinterest. 
• Anger. Your friend may start getting sensitively irritable at small things that do not usually upset her. She may snap at people around her, including doctors. At this point, if she gets angry at you, do not take the matter seriously and continue to support and offer encouragement.
• Guilt. During this stage, the woman might blame herself for the miscarriage, and feelings of guilt start to resurface. Maybe she walked too much, drank a lot of coffee, and other reasons she can think of. Affirm and reaffirm that she is not to be blamed at the loss of the child.
• Lack of control. At this point, the prevailing feeling is that of helplessness. The woman might still have a lot of unanswered questions. This is also when despair and depression kick in. It is a good thing to just listen to her unloading all these things.
• Acceptance. This is the last stage in the grief process and also the most important. During this time, the woman has already accepted what has happened. This opens the opportunity to start the healing process. Your friend may realize that all is not lost and there can be brighter times ahead.

2. Provide practical support.

Nothing is more helping to a grieving woman than a willing hand. If you are not good at engaging in conversations, try giving her a meal subscription plan. If she has other children around, offer help with child care. Something as simple as having flowers and cards delivered can also show that you remember her and that you care. 

3. Offer channels where she can get peer support. 

Encourage your friend to talk to other people who experienced the same thing. You can also research online support groups and ask your friend to join one. Talking to other women who suffered a miscarriage too can help your friend accept what happened. Even if she does not actively engage in an online support group through posting or commenting, simply reading about what other women are sharing the realities of miscarriage can make a difference. Motivate her to speak about her feelings and unload emotional burdens and make her understand that women in those groups care for each other.  

4. Recognize that people have different timelines in overcoming grief.

There is no deadline for overcoming the loss of a child. It does not matter how old the baby was or how careful the mother is. Each woman has her way of processing grief and it is okay to come into terms with the loss in her own time.

5. Seek professional help if necessary.

If your friend is showing signs of depression, like if she is withdrawing from human contact or is starting to neglect caring for herself, encourage the family to seek professional help.  If she is unwilling to go out of the house and visit a walk in clinic Thunder Bay, contact a specialist in an online clinic. Grief counseling and depression are included in virtual healthcare services and some of them even offer free consultations.

Miscarriage is no easy thing to get over with. But with the proper support, a woman can eventually learn to accept the loss.